Who's On Your List?

Inside this little square is a list of people whose opinion of me matters. It only has a handful of names -- including my own.

I made this list over a decade ago after taking an online course with Brené Brown.

Today I have a slightly different list.
The names have shifted, but there is still only a handful.
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Even though it's a short list, that doesn't mean that these are the ONLY people whom I go to for advice or feedback.

These are the people who care and have my back no matter what, but if I want to grow my skills in certain areas, I need to look beyond this list.

I am in the midst of leading a facilitation training that includes practice - each participant will co-facilitate a book circle session using (hopefully) the theoretical facilitation principles and practices that I have taught them.

After each session, all the facilitators-in-training stick around to give feedback.

I will also pass on the anonymous feedback coming from the full group.

The easy approach would be to pass on the anonymous full group feedback via email.

The compassionate approach is to pass on the feedback live, especially when it's hard.

They may take it poorly.
They may take it personally.

That may be uncomfortable for me. (Who enjoys giving hard feedback?)

But that doesn't mean that I shouldn't deliver it.

Tara Mohr, in her book Playing Big gives a series of points to consider when it comes to feedback:

• Feedback doesn't tell you about you, it tells you about the person giving the feedback
• Incorporate feedback that's strategically useful and let go of the rest
• People who play big get criticized. Period.
• Criticism hurts when it mirrors what we believe about ourselves
• Ask what's more important to you than praise.

And Kim Scott, in her book Radical Candor reminds us that "challenging people is often the best way to show them that you care."

It will be up to each individual to decide what to do with the feedback.

It will be up to them to decide if I am "on their list" when it comes to learning facilitation.

Do you have a list?
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​Originally posted on LinkedIn with comments.

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