Later today I will be meeting with a group if leaders from around the world for our second session exploring the work of 📚 Michael Bungay Stanier in his book The Advice Trap.
As I was preparing for our session, I came across this quote from Simon Sinek:
When we are closed to ideas, what we hear is criticism. When we are open to criticism, what we get is advice.
It made me think of the nuances of relationships in general, and how so much of it can go sideways.
Several years ago, I met a woman at a networking event who practically vomited when I told her I was a coach (not entirely true, but it makes for a good story...)
At the end of our lunch, I got curious and asked her about her reaction. I ended up hearing a long saga about how she had worked with a life coach, followed her advice, and that it resulted in her marriage ending and her children being taken away from her.
The conclusion she made was that it was all the coach's fault for her bad advice.
That memory, coupled with my own coaching experience, and the reading of The Advice Trap brings up so many questions for me:
>> When advice is given, where does the responsibility fall in terms of the subsequent actions? Is the advice giver responsible? Is the advice receiver responsible?
>> How often do general opinions get misconstrued as advice?
>> How do assumptions play a role in the giving and receiving of advice?
>> How much does the relationship between the giver and receiver play a role in how the advice (feedback) lands?
>> How much does the receiver's sense of worthiness play a role in whether they hear criticism or advice?
>> What's the response difference between paid-for advice, versus free advice?
>> What is the response difference between asked for advice, and unsolicited advice?
>> How often do requests from individuals get misconstrued as criticism and or advice giving?
And so many more...
I am doing a lot of reflecting on this topic, and how I am as both a receiver and a giver of advice.
Who has given you some great advice?
Originally posted on LinkedIn
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I am Theresa Destrebecq.