The Illusion Of Control

After 6 1/2 years of watching my daughter ride horses, I finally decided that I would give it a try myself.

My daughter and I don't share very many athletic interests, so I figured this was a way to meet her where she is.

Last Tuesday was my first day.

I was supposed to ride Marquise, but she had a lame foot, so they swapped me to ride Ucello.

Before I mounted, the trainer asked if I had any apprehensions, and I said, "No, not really."

Perhaps, I should have 😂

The start of the class was easy. Just walking slowly around the riding arena, directing the horse through various cones, and changing directions.

Light and easy.

Even once we started trotting, it seemed to go okay. I practiced my "trot elevé" in the center of the arena, while the others in my class rode around the outside. It took a moment to get the timing right, but then it seemed easy and stable.

Next, it was time for the "trot assise" - the sitting in the saddle trot.

With a kick of the heels and a loud "Trottez", Ucello took off at a gallop, instead of a trot. It didn't last long, but it sure got my heart racing, as my feet fell out of the stirrups, and I clambered to stay on.

When Ucello finally stopped, I wasn't sure what had happened, nor how I had managed to stay on the horse.

Before my first class, Tanja Murphy-Ilibasic told me that a horse would tell me a lot about myself.

Ucello reminded me that control is an illusion.

Despite having years of theory from watching my daughter, and all the equipment (I even had riding boots borrowed from my mother-in-law), the practice didn't go as planned

In a way, it's not so different from facilitating (or leadership in general.)

No matter how much time you spend reading, designing, and ensuring that you have a full toolbox, sometimes your group will start to gallop, when you were expecting a trot.

Sometimes they'll stop and refuse to move no matter how many times you give them a good kick and yell, "Trottez."

That's when forcing the various tools of leadership and facilitation no longer serve you.

That's when your own sense of self needs to lead you forward.

When you have to slow down, breathe, and ask yourself, "What does this group need from me right now?"

It's when you have to intentionally adapt to exactly what is in front of you.

In Marsha Acker's book The Art and Science of Facilitation she writes:​

On the other side of the storm lies collective intelligence So, our job as facilitators is to prepare to effectively stand in the storm. Because it's not if the storm happens, it's when -- and it's how you choose to respond to it in the moment. 

Again, control is an illusion.

Do you have a good relationship with control?

P.S. I did eventually gallop with Ucello during my third lesson... and it was still pretty scary.

Originally posted on LinkedIn with comments.

Read Deeper Not Faster