Invited To The Table But Not Having A Voice

As I sat at the table, the conversation would bounce back and forth around me, and I would turn my gaze from one speaker to another.

Nodding along.
Watching everyone else's expressions.
Mimicking their facial movements.
Laughing when they laughed (though a bit late.)

When my husband would finally turn to me to translate, he gave me a 30-second recap of the 10 minutes of conversation prior.
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I tried in vain to understand.
To pick up words here and there.
To just get something.

It was exhausting.
It was discouraging.
It was lonely.

To be part of something, and not part of it at all.

I would often end up in tears.

Being an 'only' can be a very debilitating place to be, at home, and at work.

I chose to marry a Frenchman, when I didn't speak the language, so my "only-ness" was expected, but even though it was expected, it didn't make it any easier.

Over time, I got used to it.

Now it's normal for me to be the only non-native French speaker, just like for others it's probably become normal for them to be the only non-native English speaker.

I just finished up a book circle where we explored the context of when we feel like an 'only.'

The only woman.
The only Iranian.
The only non-native English speaker.
The only non-French speaker.

One of the main offices for this company is based in Quebec, and during the call I learned that there is a new law states that they must conduct all business in French.

Which means every time they are on a call, or in a meeting with their colleagues in Montreal, they probably feel like I used to feel when I would visit my husband's family.

They are part of something, but not part of it at all.

Have you ever been invited to the table, but found you didn't have a voice?

Originally posted on LinkedIn with comments.

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