Feedback Fun And Frustrations

The last time I underwent a traditional performance review for work was in 2010.
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Yet, that doesn't mean that I don't get feedback.
I get it all the time.

This morning, I received an email from a book circle participant saying that he wasn't going to continue.

Many thanks for your work on this and the sessions so far. It is a lovely idea to set aside time to discuss the book and topics. However, I feel this is not for me and, as such, I will bow out at this stage.

​So, is this feedback or not?

The reality is that he only came to the kick-off session 8 weeks ago, where we didn't even get into the content. He never actually experienced how I facilitate.

Again, is this feedback of not?

Right now I am leading a women's book circle on Playing Big by Tara Mohr.

In Mohr's chapter titled "Unhooking from Praise and Criticism", she sets out 5 principles to keep in mind when it comes to feedback.

1. Feedback isn't about you. It's about the person giving it.
2. Only use feedback that's strategically useful. Let go of the rest.
3. Women who play big get criticized. Period.
4. Criticism hurts most when it mirrors our own beliefs about ourselves.
5. Ask yourself, "What's more important than praise?"

It's the 1st and 2nd principles that I find most important in my own work.

Another helpful example when it comes to giving and receiving feedback, is
Adam Grant's Venn diagram in his book Hidden Potential.

Grant says that when it comes to trusting feedback, the place where we want to "mine for gold" is the area where the person is familiar with us and our work, shows cares for us, and also has credibility in the field.

If I go back to the person bowing out this morning, I can't say that he would even be on the Venn Diagram at all, so there is no use in me making up a sad story about my ability to facilitate book circles based on his decision.

As Mohr says, It all depends on my goals.

If my goal is to have a no-drop out rate, then I might have to reconsider how I work.

But that's not my goal, as it's totally out of my hands.

Instead, my goal is to create book inspired experiential learning moments, where participants engage in generative conversations, shift perspectives, and deepen their knowledge of ideas in order to better apply them.

Sometimes my experiential activities fail.
Often times they don't.

Yet each time I learn something new about myself, new about the group, or new about individual participants.

There's a reason I talk about reading deeper -- sometimes that depth comes with discomfort -- including for myself 🤣

Originally posted on LinkedIn with comments.

Read Deeper Not Faster