Being Nice Isn't Kind

You've probably heard of Marie Kondo and her book The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up where she invites people to declutter their homes and their lives based on whether certain objects bring them joy or not.

Have you ever decluttered your work or activities in the same way?

I do it regularly.

I make a list of the various activities that I engage in, then tune into my intuition and ask myself, "On a scale of 1-10, how much energy does this give me?"

I write down that number.

When I am done with the list, I look at those activities that are less than a 7 and make a commitment to let them go, just like Marie Kondo would encourage us to let go of objects in our house that don't bring us joy.

For the last 2-ish years, I have been serving on the executive board of a non-profit, that unfortunately wasn't bringing me energy or joy.

When I last did my joy check-in a few months ago, it didn't meet my 7 criteria.

Although disappointing the other board members and the organization crossed my mind, I knew that if I worried about disappointing others, I would end up disappointing myself.

I let the president know of my decision 4 months ago.

Last Friday, I received an email asking me to reconsider, and stay on the board for 6 more months.

I paused.
I considered.
I could have said I needed to think about it, but I didn't really.

In my heart of hearts, I knew that I didn't want to continue volunteering for them.

I replied that I understand their situation and felt honored by their request to have me stay, but that I needed to put myself and my family first.

I knew that saying yes would lead to resentment, and that resentment would bleed out into my family.

Yesterday, Sarah Saunders posted that COOL IS KIND, and we engaged in a short discussion about the difference between being nice and being kind.

This is what I believe:

Being NICE is about what other people think. It's about perception. It comes from the ego.

If I had said YES to staying on the board, it would have been to be nice. It would have been to have people think well of me.

Being KIND, on the other hand, comes directly from the heart. It's genuine. It's true.

Have you ever done something NICE, that wasn't really KIND?

Originally posted on linkedIn with comments

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