Shared Activities, Not Just Shared Opinions

Every Monday I host “The Reading Hour", which is exactly what it says — an hour to read. In reality, though, we only read for about 35 minutes.

The first few moments are welcoming everyone in by name because people want to feel seen and heard. Then I send them off into small groups to engage around a question so that they can connect more deeply with at least 1 other reader.

Once we come back, then we read. Everyone goes off to read whatever they feel compelled. Some people actually listen to books or podcasts instead of reading, but for me that doesn’t really matter. I talk about having a shared space, with individual pages.

The last 10-15 minutes are spent sharing what struck us from our reading, either all together, or again in small groups.

It’s not something magical, but it seems to have become so. One of the participants was telling me the other day that it’s become the highlight of her whole week, and when she tries to explain it to others, they seem dubious at best.

In Why We Click, Kate Murphy explains that we’re more likely to create this click when we share an activity together, rather than simply sharing opinions. People synchronize more easily when doing something together—walking, cooking, singing, solving problems or even reading. The shared action creates a rhythm, and that rhythm creates bonding.

Murphy does warn us, though, that technology can backfire when it comes to creating this bonding experience, because syncing with others requires more than just words. It also requires the ability to see the gestures, facial expressions, and other cues that we back unconsciously. You’ve probably noticed the unease that arises when someone’s connection lags and what you are seeing and hearing don’t match. Or when someone starts to sound like a robot, and you’re smiling as if you can hear everything clearly, when in reality you’re only getting snippets.

I think that’s part of what makes “The Reading Hour” so special. We’re doing a shared activity online, but we aren’t actually talking that much. We’re bonding over our shared love of words on a page, and we don’t have to talk too much for that to happen. Participants report that they feel more focused and committed to their reading during our time together. Simply knowing that someone else is engaged in the same activity, on the other side of the world, prevents distraction and enhances learning.

Whatever you may think or feel about Amazon, they do create space for syncing similarly to my Reading Hour. They start every meeting with silence, where everyone is reading documents or memos that are pertinent to the meeting at hand. No one is sending off one last email, or finishing up one last task. Share space. Individual pages.

Many companies want to improve their culture. What if improving culture is really about creating shared rhythm? Through repeated, shared rhythms, we create stronger alignment and more trusting teams.

Maybe you could:

• Do like Amazon and start meetings with shared silence.
• Hold “Focus Blocks” by booking a conference room or opening a Teams meeting where everyone engages in the same task together. It’s the adult version of a study hall.
• Have walking 1:1s, where we sync with your steps, and your voices.
• Host live editing sessions where you edit in real time together.
• Code together. Design together. Sketch together. _________ together.

Maybe connection doesn’t always require conversation. It simply needs company.

Originally posted on Substack with comments.

Read Deeper Not Faster