Is There Freedom In Chains?

“Am I chained?”

This question sits on the pages of one of my notebooks from December 18th. I re-read it again yesterday. Obviously, I am not physically chained, but at the time I imagine that I was feeling metaphorically chained.

Following this question was another: “What desires feel alive in me? What desires am I suppressing or talking myself out of?”

This seems relevant to me now, after having attending the Level 1 Training in Deep Democracy last week because as part of that training, we dove into the idea that every role and archetype we see outside in the world, is also within us. Which means, I may sometimes feel like a prisoner, but I am also the jailer.

This idea of being chained or free, is equally resonant after reading Jailbirds in Flight by Nicole Daedone. At the time of her indictment, Daedone was contemplating leaving her world behind to spend 3 years in silent meditation in Mongolia. Ironically, she found herself in prison — its own kind of retreat. She writes: “The restrictions here serve the same purpose as in a meditation hall : The very limits make you free.”

Later on in her writing, she talks about the relief that comes with being in prison. The outward masks have fallen — there is no makeup, not hair dye, no beautiful clothes, no expensive restaurants to be seen at. “In here, no one’s trying to out-beauty anyone else. There’s comfort in that.”

Which brings me back to the idea of being chained, and where I am potentially chaining myself.

When I wrote about Dr. Stuart Brown’s research on play, I described myself as an explorer. I do love to visit new places, and simply wander. My curiosity gets to be in the front seat, as I wander new roads and let serendipity take me to new sights and undiscovered corners.

Yet, I work almost 100% online - a choice that I made so that I could be there for my children in their younger years, especially because my mother was not around when I was young. Working online, doesn’t allow me to explore as widely, and perhaps that’s why I love books so much. Book allow me to explore ideas, even if I can’t explore places.

In recent years, as I have expanded my network of fellow facilitators, I see how much they travel for work, and I can sense the envy monster creep in. Plus being in presence with a group is so much more intense than being behind our screens (as I felt during our Deep Democracy Training.)

One of my biggest takeaways from Nicole Daedone’s writing is the Buddhist belief around freedom, that anyone can be free in any circumstance — it’s all a matter of mindset. “Freedom is possible in any condition.”

It’s not that I am chained or free. It’s that I allow myself to live into these experiences in my mind. Being a mother hasn’t limited my freedom — I have limited my own freedom by choosing to be a mother. Working online hasn’t limited my ability to explore — it has only altered the way in which I explore.

If I go back to my learnings from Non-Violent Communication — it’s not the need that’s the problem, it’s that I attach myself too tightly to certain strategies.

Do you ever feel chained?

Originally posted on Substack with comments.

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