I Won't Host Hybrid Meetings

I started a book circle with one of my global clients, with participants from various corners of the world.

Four participants were from the Amsterdam office, and they logged in to the kick off session from one of the conference rooms.

Three were in the conference room when they logged on, and we waited around for the 4th person to join, watching from behind our screens as the others joked and laughed together.

When the fourth arrived, they were dumbfounded when I asked them to go back to their desks and log-in individually.

"But we spend all day on our screens, we want to see each other," was their response.

I insisted and said that this was how I wanted them to come for each of our sessions.

In Priya Parker's book The Art of Gathering she talks about the fact that as a host you need to embrace generous authority, and that part of that job is to protect, equalize, and connect your participants.

I don't think hosting hybrid meetings allows for that.

What do you think the rest of us were thinking and feeling when we watched these 3 colleagues joke around with each other?

Here are some guesses:

💙 ENVY -- many of us work remotely, and desire to have that close contact with our colleagues, but can't for a number of reasons

🩷 UNBELONGING - associated with envy, comes a sense of unbelonging. We don't feel part of the tribe. We're an outsider. We are the "them" to their "us."

💚 DISCONNECTED - when they are in their conference room, we can't see their faces and read the subtle cues that are so much a part of communication. We also can't be in a breakout room with any of them, so they stay in their little bubble which we can't enter.

💛 RESENTMENT - also associated with envy, is resentment. Many of us associate resentment with anger, but I learned from Marc Brackett that it's more closely tied to envy. We feel resentment toward them for having what we want (connection).

💜 LESS THAN - if this is an especially large gathering, where most people are live, and we are the one who wasn't invited to attend live, then what does that mean about us? What's our value? What's our worth? If this gathering is so important, why didn't they fly us in?

There are probably many more emotions that could come up in hybrid settings.

Parker reminds us that as hosts, this it is our job, our duty, to design meetings that protect our participants, equalize them, and connect them.

I don't believe hybrid gatherings can do that.
That's why I refuse to host them.

Although it would take more time, I would advise hosting 2 gatherings -- one virtual where everyone is together, but not, and one in-person.

Yes, the remote person will know about the live one and may still have some of these emotions come up, but it won't be shoved in their face.

Do you like hybrid meetings?
What emotions come up for you when you're NOT in the room?

Originally posted on LinkedIn with comments.
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