Embracing Controversy

One of the first time's my husband met my family, his jaw practically hit the floor in astonishment.

We are not ones to shy away from loud debates, that often involve swear words, name-calling, and people in tears.

It's a less than ideal way to share opposing views.

At the center of two of my current book circles is this idea of how to embrace controversy.

In Priya Parker's book The Art of Gathering she invites us to create space for "fruitful controversy" where we turn up the heat, and allow differing perspectives to be shared. She cautions us facilitators to be intentional about the container we build, and the alternative rules we create.

In Charles Duhigg's book Supercommunicators he has a whole chapter titled, "Connecting Amid Conflict," where he mirrors some of what Priya Parker says -- the structure matters.

In the chapter, he gives the example of an experiment in the US, where an organization brought people from opposing sides of the gun debate together.

The goal, was not to debate. It wasn't even, necessarily, to find common ground. Rather, it was an experiment to see if people who abhorred each other's beliefs could have a civil conversation.

​Right now, I am standing watching a controversy unfold that will directly affect my children.

My children go to a bilingual section, which is housed within a public school. We pay an annual fee, to pay for salary and supplies for their English teachers, who are hired through a non-profit and are all native English speakers. Our tax dollars go to pay for the rest - French teacher, facilities, etc.

Currently, there is a proposal to change how the English learning will be rolled out in middle school. Instead of getting 10 hours of instruction from a native English teacher, they will get 6 hours from a native English teacher, and 4 hours from a native French teacher, who is proficient in English.

The reason being (to my understanding) : to lower costs, and open up the opportunity to more students who can't afford the 3,000€/year that we pay.

Of course, it would be great to have my kids learn from a native English teacher, and I feel bad for the teachers who will be let go as a result, but this isn't a "big" controversy in my opinion.

I am a minority view, and have kept quiet.

I didn't sign the letter of petition.
I didn't join the WhatsApp group of irate parents.
I didn't show up to the protest they held yesterday.
I didn't make it on the local news.

Today, I finally raised my hand and shared my opinion.

It was scary.

I immediately got a barrage of 'Thanks for your opinion...and here's why you're wrong.' comments.

On your teams, and in your communities, are people like me.
People who hold a minority view, but are scared to share it.

How can you bring their voices out, in a way that doesn't feel so scary?

Originally posted on LinkedIn with comments.

Read Deeper Not Faster