Closing The Door To Create The Room

"Be Camera Ready"

I found out yesterday that one of my clients has this statement on all the invites for their sessions with me.

I laughed when I heard about it.

I learned about it because one of the women apologized for being in her workout clothes.

I told her that I didn't care.

What I did care about was the woman who joined late, during a silent activity, and started talking over the silence about how she wasn't in a place where she could engage, but wanted to just listen in.

For those of you who know my work, I invite engagement from the very start.

It's almost impossible to listen in.

You definitely can't double book yourself, or use the time to check your email.
At least, not if you have any social awareness of how your behavior negatively impacts others.

Since this was only our 2nd session together, today, in my follow-up email to the 20 women, I wrote:

As many of you experienced yesterday, my goal is not to have a discussion of the book's ideas, but to invite you to engage with the ideas in new ways. The key word being - engage.

I will ask that in the future, if you are unable to participate fully, then perhaps you don't join. I think it's unfair to those who are courageously putting themselves out there, to have someone listening in, but not engaging themselves. It creates imbalance, and doesn't lead to people feeling psychologically safe.

If you have any questions about that, please do let me know.

In Priya Parker's book The Art of Gathering she invites hosts to "Close the door, to create the room."

Many people struggle with this -- setting a clear boundary with behavior.

Yet, as a host or facilitator, it's a must to protect the overall integrity of the group and the gathering.

Have you ever had to "close the door" on behavior in a group?

Originally posted on LinkedIn with comments.

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